


America Runs For President

by CuteHeartz



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America runs for president, Comedy, Elections, Presidential Election, Satire, presidential campaign - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-19 18:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7372924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuteHeartz/pseuds/CuteHeartz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After realizing that both Hillary and Trump are awful, Alfred decides to run for president in 2020, against Kanye West. This story documents his campaign and journey to the White House.</p><p>~Chapters will be based on suggestions sent in by the readers!~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Creating the Campaign Team

Alfred stared down at the laminated pictures in his hands. In his right hand, Donald Trump stared up at him. In his left, Hillary was also looking back at him. He sat alone in his apartment, sitting on his living room couch. Finally, he sighed in exasperation and threw the pictures down. 

"God damn it, both of them are awful!" He growled, burying his head in his hands. "Even I could do better than both of them!" And at that sentence, he suddenly froze, staring down at his shoes. Ideas began to spin in his head. He slowly raised his head. "What if... What if I just took up the job myself? What if I ran for president?" The idea was absolutely crazy, seeing as no nation has ever run for the leading position in their country before. 

But then again, since when has America ever been traditional? 

A grin began to spread over his face. It would totally work! And it would be easy! All he would have to do is organize his campaign team and officially announce his candidacy! But first, he'd need to organize his team. He got up, pacing around the living room and thinking about who would be good for his team. He should probably start with a secretary who could organize all of the campaign meet ups and events. Finally, Alfred came up with the perfect person.

* * *

 

"No." 

"Aw, come on, Artie! Pleaasseee?" 

"No, Alfred. This is ridiculous! You can't just run for president!" Alfred frowned. "Artie, this is my chance to make a difference! Just imagine how great my Administration would be!" "You would start World War 3 within the first three days." 

Alfred sighed. "Fine. Don't join me. I'll just send France those pictures of you from last week when you got drunk at that bar." "...You wouldn't dare." Now he smirked. Thank God for blackmail. "Try me." The line was silent for a while, and then England growled out, "Fine, you twat. I'll be your secretary." Alfred cheered. "Yay!" "You do realize you still need a professional speech writer and a capable running mate, right? How are you going to get them? And most importantly, how are you going to get the amount of donations required?" 

"Oh don't worry. I've got all that figured out. In fact, I'm gonna go call them now!" "Whatever. I've got my tea to drink, so leave me alone now." Alfred smiled. "Sure, Artie. I'll let you know all the information later!" And then he hung up the phone. 

* * *

 

"....Er, excuse me?" 

"You heard me!"

"You... Are running for president, and you want me to write your speeches?" France sounded perplexed. Alfred nodded. "Yep! So, whattya say?" "I'm afraid I must decline,  _mon cher._ I'm quite busy over here as of late." "You mean with all your protests?" " _Oui._ " America pouted. "Aw, come on! You know you'd be a good writer! This campaign wouldn't be complete without you!" "Flattery might get you somewhere with  _Angleterre,_ but it will not work with me, Alfred."

"....Y'know, I heard England say how much writers turn him on." Alfred said awkwardly. France stuttered. "N-Nonsense! Stop trying to goad me into your schemes,  _Amerique!_ " "But it's true! In fact, England agreed to be my sectretary because I told him that you would be my speech writer!" "...You are.. Positive?" "Uh huh!" 

"....I'm on my way." 

* * *

 

 

 __"Mattie!"

"H-Hello, eh. What do you need, Al?" 

"How would you like to be my running mate?" Canada was silent. "W-What..?" America repeated his question. "I'm running for president in 2020! But I'll also need help taking down Kanye West. Plus, I need a Vice President!" Canada made a sound of confusion. "Alfred.. I don't think that's such a good idea." "Why not!? Tons of people do it each year!" "Y-Yeah, but they are professionals, eh."

"Mattie, I've been working with my government for over 200 years. I can handle it. Besides, I can't do this without you! Plus, I need a Vice President!" Canada sighed. "I don't know..." America rolled his eyes. "You know, England and France already joined me." "What, really?" "Yeah! They practically  _begged_ to join my campaign team!" Canada was astonished. "Besides, they'll just kill eachother if there's no one to keep them under control. You wouldn't want France to get hurt right, Mattie?" "N-No, eh!" "Then do this for him!" 

Canada looked down. "...Fine." America cheered. "Woo! Great, do me a favor and head over to my place! We need to lay out our plans for my campaign! We CANNOT let Kanye win!" America said determinedly before hanging up. 

"...Maple."


	2. Collecting the Funds

"OKAY! Now that we are all here, we may begin the first meeting of the presidential campaign!" Alfred cheered. They were all seated around Alfred's kitchen table, England with his arms crossed and a pissed off look on his face, France casting fleeting glances at England, and Canada just sitting there and watching the two warily. 

"So, first order of business! We need to schedule speaking events to get our message out to the American people." Alfred said, shaking his fist for emphasis. He then turned to England. "My faithful secretary, do you have any ideas?" England just glared at him more. 

"Yes, actually. Before you start hosting events, you need funds. Advertisements, cost of renting out stadiums and such, how else are we going to cover it?" There was a moment of silence as Alfred took in this new problem. Iggy was right, he knew.

"You're right, Iggy! Hmm, how _can_ we collect funds in a quick and sufficient way, I wonder?" Alfred wondered aloud. An impish grin grew on France's face. "Oh, how about a kissing booth!?" England immediately smacked France upside the head, making the Frenchman groan in pain. "Shut the bloody hell up, you pervert! You're gonna give innocent people some tropical diseases!" England shouted. France looked extremely offended at that, but Canada cut him off before he could respond.

"O-Okay! How about a bake sale? Or a lemonade stand!" He offered feebly. England just gave Canada a disbelieving look. "You think we can pay off the cost of ads and stadiums by selling bloody  _lemonade?"_ Canada looked down in shame. " _Oui,_ I'm afraid dear  _Angleterre_ is correct in this case,  _mon cher."_ France quietly agreed, earning a shocked look from England. "He would just burn the lemonade anyway." He continued cheekily. England's face turned red, and he looked ready to pummel France's face in the dirt. 

"Okay! Okay! Let's all calm down before France flames everybody to death, huh?" Alfred asked nervously. After calming England down, they settled back into their seats at the table. "Now. What ways can we raise money?" Alfred asked again. France offered, "I heard that lingerie is q-" "Shut the fuck up." England growled. France's face fell. America sighed.

"Jesus, guys..." Suddenly, an idea came to Alfred. "OHMYGOD IVE GOT IT!" The other people's faces brightened up in hope...

* * *

 

...only for their hope to wash down the drain. 

"You fucking made a GO FUND ME ACCOUNT!?" England screeched as they all looked at the computer screen and Alfred's recently created account. Alfred looked quite proud of himself. "Brilliant idea, huh, Iggy?" 

The irate Englishman trembled with fury. "You are so-!" "Heroic, right?" Alfred asked, completely oblivious. 

A few hours later, Alfred was alone in his house after the meeting had ended, holding ice to his black eye and pouting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment things you'd like to see happen in this story! :3


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